At the Taj...

I stepped back on those very stairs
Trying to recall how it felt before
Was it very different then… holding your hand?
Did my small feet stumble or did I stand back and encore?

The pristine white and the silence and echoes
Every inch reminded me of your love
Did you also see how I danced in the rain?
Could you spot me from that far above?

I do remember running around the marble even then
Trying to pose for pictures you took
I was a princess then… and now, yes, I still feel the same
With so much affection in his each look

I remember that moment you held hands
Seated on the marble seats, you looked royal and how
I remember wanting to run to you then
I remember wanting to run to you now

Was it just the monsoon or were they her tears?
Was she really so happy to see me like that again?
Am I everything that you wanted me to be? Or less?
Did I remember you correctly? Did your memories of me also wane?

Listening to the night

Shadows lurk over the ledge
The light adds to the confusion of the mind
The overcast sky looms large on the moon
As if attempting a show of some kind

There is so much to learn from this moment
This that never was, this that shall never be
Yet it engulfs my very existence
It is also, strangely, everything I want it to be

No tears roll down tonight,
And I feel no pain
No, I am just lost in the course of life
No effort to sieve off anything insane

Funny how fickle life can be
A guiding spirit, a hope and a cause
Despite the animosity I did befriend it
With all its colours and it flaws

Did life befriend me, I wonder now
Would my other old friend just me go?
For neither shall exist while the other survives
Somewhere in my fickle mind, greed begins to grow…

After the plunge

When I finally opened my eyes
I no longer wanted to see
My visions haunted my mind
Even as the vivid colours burst in on me

Surrounded by the tall trees
In a small clearing I stood
The rays of sun tried to warm me
To recover from the coldness I withstood

The dense undergrowth came alive
With sounds so many and strange
Music and mayhem bound together
I shut my ears before my mind could derange

It all seemed so perfect before the plunge
Shutting out the old world, entering a new
Leaving behind the pain and laughter
Not taking any memories, not even a few

But what if I had been wrong in my calculations?
Nothing left behind, everything journeyed along with me
The perfect new beginning was marred by remorse
I remained with my past on my shoulder, facing what was to be...

THE END

Plunge...

It was time to take the plunge
I held my breath for some time
Questions and apprehensions throbbed my mind
The heart beat to a rhythm sublime

I fix my gaze on the surface below
Wondering if the depth will welcome
My heart tells me to have courage
To not get deterred by the outcome

The breeze eggs me on to the edge
The universe conspires with my soul
Images of the mind reduce to a white noise
Sending my sensing on a roll

I should not waste any more time
My destination is now within my reach
I turn around for a last look of everything I had
That I should not cling on to, must not leech

With one unsure breath, I let go
Feel my world rush past as I fall
As if it wants me to linger for just one more moment
Blinding my ears with its call

A cushion of water finally breaks my flow
New faces smile as I take the courage to open my eyes
My world now glistens beyond the palette of blue
My mind turns around to the new shapes and size

Quiet

I hear a certain hustle in my heart,

A rambling that is so faint and yet so familiar,

It makes me restless and peaceful all the same

It has been long since I felt so peculiar.

The horrid cries of despair begin to fade

A new emotion, a form of satisfaction begins to eke

I float somehwere between the mighty universe

and the life borne on a speck

A calm silence envelops my being,

The mind withholds the questions with reason

Logic, emotions, evolution and eradicaiton make sense now

At the beginning of a wonderful new season.

खुशी

एक खूबसूरत सा लम्हा था
हर तरफ हँसी गूँज रही थी
क्या बताएं की दिल को कितना चैन मिला
उस ख़याल मे भी हमने आँखें मूंद ली थी

ना कोई हाथ थाम रखा था
ना किसीके दामन कि फिकर थी
बस ठंडी हवाओं मे बहते जाना था
छोड़ कर हर परेशानी का ज़िक्र भी

ज़िंदगी की पेशगी थी वो हँसी
उसकी तारीफ मे हम रहते गए
ना अचानक कोई आहट हुई, ना कोई पुकार
हर लम्हे में हम उस लम्हे मे बहते गए

Time Out

There are times you want to talk
There are times when nothing matters
When you can pour out your heart
In hours of relentless chatters

I have lived those days with friends
I have shared enough to know
That all that talk does me no good
Sometimes, I need to just let go

To spend some time alone
The ceiling’s really not that bad
I need to speak to myself as well
Even if it makes me weak and sad

People change with time, its destiny
But I wouldn’t want to change a thing
I should not expect anyone to understand
Why to every sordid memory I must cling

So bear with me even if you don’t get it
Just me be for a while
It’s just a phase, it will soon be over
And I can return to your world with a smile

Suggestions

I live my life in stories
I search for the story in you
I put faces to your names
Every detail and all the colours too

I try to feel what you felt
I visualise the red, black or blue
I laugh at your silly pranks
In your pain, my heart sheds a tears few

Once you have told me a story
I hold you in respect anew
I contemplate your comprehension
Before I tell you my story in lieu

But I fail to understand your interruptions
Why do you questions the things I do?
Isn’t this the story that I choose to live?
My story, doesn’t… from yours, take cue

Why can’t I live each day as my own?
Why can’t I fall or celebrate every move new?
Why do I need to bear your opinions?
You wouldn't give up your story for mine, would you?

Hindi special

I thought it was important to put this on record that all my posts have been in hindi over the past few days simply because Buddy and I have been reading and discussing a lot of Gulzaar sahab's poetry. These are all pieces inspired by Gulzaar sahab. In fact, the poem Ehsaas, is my humble extension to his own work by the same name. All part of an experiment to explore more avenues and find new ways of making sense to myself. The next stop? Putting pen to paper, a brief effort to do the same resulted in disaster and one wasted notebook! Not that I am going to give up.

Yesterday

डूबते सूरज की लौ को देखते हुए
तुम्हारे काँधे पर सर टिकाए हुए
इस जहाँ को बहुत पीछे छोड़ आई थी
वो लौ आज भी कहीं रोशन है

Ehsaas

कभी महसूस किया है
अपने हाथों से किसी के हाथ का छूट जाना
साथ मे डूबता हुआ सा दिल
जिसका आँखों मे नमी बन कर उमड़ आना

धीरे धीरे से खिसकते वो हाथ
हर पल मे कितनी यादें लिए जाती हैं
वक़्त है की ठहरता ही नही
उधर जज़्बातों की बाड़ सी आती है

वो उंगलियों का टकराना एक आखरी बार
वो सिहरन, वो उदासी, वो गूँजता सन्नाटा
याद है तुम्हे भी क्या वो हाथों का छूट जाना
और डूबते हुए दिल का आँखों से उमड़ आना

Nothing ever ends..

I look at the man behind the wheel
Squinting from the burst of splinters
His fingers burning from the heat
Breaking into a sweat in peak winters

I watch as the aluminum utensil
Dissolve into a white flow
There’s the bowl for my favourite dessert
Dented by my mother’s angry throw

I duck instinctively, remembering the heat
And quickly return to the present
To the glow of the fire burning away
So many tangible memories, including the pleasant

Among the last to go is my crib
My first vehicle in the world
Though I have not any memories, I reach out
Around the rim, my fingers do curl

I am lost in my thoughts while the artist toils
Thinking only of the plum sum that will follow
All those lost emotions have now taken shape
Of a decorative greek God, ironically an Apollo

To life

The beautiful thing about life

Is that it goes on

No matter how deep the gashes

You keep moving till the last breath is drawn

Giving in

I sat huddled in a corner
Straining to wipe memories, tears and pain
The white light engulfs every part of me
Darkness prevails in vain

Just when I was convinced
There was nothing left for me to lose
A sudden jab in the heart
Brought back memories to intense use

Days long gone, nights well spent
In conversations of body and soul
A touch, a kiss, a moment
Blackened by fate’s black coal

I get up and switch of the light
Its radiance makes my pain sour
I reek of the black viscous blood now
The creatures of the night my soul devour

(Many thanks to Buddy for the imagery, much powerfully darker than mine)

Bidding farewell

जिन हाथों को थाम कर चल पड़े थेजिन बाज़ुओं पर बनाया था अपना आशियानजिन कदमो से कदम मिलाए चलते रहेआज किसी और को सौंप आए हैं
जिन निगाहों के सहारे देखी थी दुनियाजिन होठों के लिए सजाए थे हज़ारों नगमेउन ख्वाबो, ख़यालों को, उम्मीदों और हसरतों कोआज किसी और को सौंप आए हैं

The way home

ये रास्ता तो घर को ही जाता थाजाने किसके कुचे मे चले आए
कितनी हसरतें थी कुछ पहचाने चेहरों कीजाने किसकी बारात में चले आए
ये जो गली जाती है इसमे आज भी एक जानी सी खुश्बू है कुछ आहटें हैं पहचानी सीजिसकी सुकून की तलाश मे खींचे चले आए
इस छज्जे तले एक बचपन गुज़रा हैमा की आँचल की ठंडक आज भी हैबाबा के नर्म सख़्त आवाज़ की गूँज भीतभी दिल को थाम फिर चले आए
ये रास्ता तो घर को जी जाता थाजाने किसके कुचे मे चले आएहै सबकुछ अपना सा यहाँ मगरपरदेसीयों की बस्ती मे हम कैसे चले आए

Lethargy

The heat increases outside
Permeates right through the white walls
A lone glowing tubelight falls silent
In the power cut, darkness falls

A constant hum echoes
Keeping awake is an ordeal
My mind saunters into the unknown
Eyes are now sinking I feel

The chatter around is relentless
People working, typing and talking
Cars backing, shutters falling
Children screaming, hawkers walking

I want to get away from all that
My posture is cosier in the chair
I flutter my eyelids at the screen
And yawn, it is now impossible to bear

Washing my face should help I think
I rise from my seat at the thought
And bang my foot against the wall
In one moment to my senses, I am brought

And we're back

It turns out that transferring material from my notes is turning to be an impediment to my writing... so I would rather keep writing here and will add older posts with notes... cool?

Ode to Journalism

I sit staring blankly
Into a computer screen
That shows a six-year-old's eyes
Who died.. how must it have been?

I wonder about my work
And reflect on my success
On how I wanted to make a difference
How dream were limitless

Did I know that such things
Also happen in reality
Children mowed by buses
With such brilliant brutality

What matters is what's on air
What makes people jolt
Even at the cost of our senses
Make it appear as a lightning bolt

The child's mother laments
There are close-ups of her lifeless body
That lies now on her father's lap
Does he also consider the parody...

Secret Lives

I fled from these four walls
Hoping to find some solace
From the whining and moaning
I exited with least grace

There on my way
To the ladies restroom
She sat huddled in a corner
In a white and grey gloom

She was intently whispering
And annoyed by my sudden stare
It was her privacy exposed
Even in the momentary glare

It was a relief to see
That emotions still exist
Seeking corners to fit life
That gives it a warped twist

And yet there is no way
To quit the Janus head
I pretend to ignore when I spot her
Towards my duty I tread..

It's Human

To look
through a broken window.. waiting for the sunlight
To see
The pain around, the hatred we incite

To feel
Unwanted, abandoned again and again
To want
To be held and loved in new ties woven

To think
Of ways of making life more worth living
To evolve
only to return, there is no forgiving

To create
a space to call as your own
To walk
along the crevasses, all alone

To live
a normal life, through valleys and plains
To sleep
Eternally and dream of Siberian cranes

Nearing the End

Can you hear it.. so loud and clear
The defeaning sound of the lull
Like the fish that helplessly falls silent
On spotting the swooping seagull

The end is always close
Just around the corner for most
But it always finds reason to step away
To stand in another corner, but not lost

But that's what is so appealing
In a human touch, in a child's smile
Dreams, desires and aspiration stand rock solid
In an existence that really is so fragile

But is the end the end alone
Is there really no further to go
That's a question so frequently asked
Yet there is no way to know

Many a loved ones have known the end
I hear them telling me when I weep
Yet when I see, they cease to exist
To tell me how peacefully I can sleep..

Little Things

I hate all these little things
That stick out their pesky faces
Capable of huge potential harm
Even if its someone’s untied laces

Little things and I
Don’t really get along
They don’t deserve a poem
But I cannot not sing a song

You know the way they stick
Right in the middle of fond memories
Exactly like a muddied pothole
On an snowy virgin territory

Little things can change quick
Turning my life by an eternity
An incorrect spelling or even a typo
Calls out exclamations on other’s brevity

Bigger things make my life
Judge me and my true potential
They make me think, instigate me even
They make people small or influential

Little things are of no good use
They are just meant to be
My fretting and fuming doesn’t change a thing
They continue to laugh with all their glee

One Beautiful Night

I lie here like I did in my dream every night
On a bed of icy sleet and snow
Dreams and memories drape me on the way
As I make my way unhurriedly below..

A pair of Siberian storks fly away
Startled, perhaps by my resolution’s might
We head into our opposite directions
Me to the dark, them to the white

I take my mind away from them
And indulge in some brilliant reconstruction
On nights wasted seeking questions in the cosmos
On days utilized for unintelligible production

On moments of sheer despair and fright
And those of undiluted humiliation
All of them and others that triggered
The need for this solemn jubilation

And that’s when I rethink on why I’ m here
Why the brilliant sky had been beckoning
Faces long lost, long forgotten emerge
Some smiling from the distance, some reckoning

I’m almost at the end now
There is no more room to deliberate
I stretch out my arms, a final time
And embrace… a long-awaited and cold, silence…

Blast from the Past

A recurrent thought, I have been intending to post my earlier writings in this blog to maintain an alternate diary of my thought process. Are you prepared for an excess?

Impact

One of those occasions when
Life went into slow motion
Pausing and rewinding
With unbearable anticipation

I turned my face and braced
With fear and shock
But time came to a standstill
To stare me in the face and mock

With every passing second
The tension continued to mount
I could feel frustration
As I the seconds, I ceased to count

After almost an eternity
The ear-piercing impact sounded
And with all my courage I turned
To face the reality confounded

There it lay motionless
As if the moment had never been
There was sorrow, despair and memories
The last of glassware I had seen...

Ray of Hope

A single ray of sunlight streams in through my window,
Brightening up a small oval part of the marble floor

Even as I watch, I feel the warmth permeate
Spilling over to my thoughts with an effect immediate

I watch the patterns of dust rising to the sky
Every little speck joins in tandem without a question why

I take a step into the light, feeling strong and tall
It is so easy to give into life, not so bad after all

The Quest

There’s a word too many in my head
Mixing up black facts and fantasy red
I wish there was more clarity instead

Sitting at my desk I wonder where I’m lost
Letting imagination free at sanity’s cost
To seek a secret treasure that I need the most

Images of faraway lands fill up my mind
Of known faces from a past life and smiles kind
But in that sandy land, I cannot my treasure find

My mind heads for a sea of green
The branches and bushes I do preen
Flowers are many and so are the thorns, I wean

Tired, I look up at the towering sages
Their icy heads observing the world for ages
Surely they know of the treasure beyond the mind’s cages

I walk on alone braving their strong icy reprimand
With every step my mind does strength command
I reach their gates at last, an answer to demand

The sages know well the reason for my quest
They have no answer despite my repeated behest
A familiar voice distract my search, I must rest

I intend to return to the wilderness again
Undertake some more journeys, some more pain
With the hope that this time, it shall not be in vain

That was simple

Having cleared my dashboard of every past element.. I was ready to start afresh. Only when I initiated the process of creating a new blog did I ponder on the biggest challenge that I was faced with! Finding name. With all possible combinations of intellegent and not-so-intellegent words already used as blog names, I really was stuck. But then, a challenge cannot be passed for the lack of words! Certainly not by me. It struck me then that everyone logging on to create a blog must have treaded the same lines of thought and forgone the simplest options! Within three guesses, I was proven right. As the name suggests, life can be, far too simple, no?