Incomplete

There'a a little something left
After everything we have been through
There's still a little something to say
It's something we just have to do

It doesn't feel like it's over just yet
The storm hasn't passed, the sun doesn't shine
It's like we stopped mid-sentence
The moment is neither your nor mine

It's all so confusing at the moment
And though I am lost and so are you
We need to stick together
We need to find a way to get through

I don't hear your voice anymore, did you leave?
Or did you fall silent like this moment
I wonder what lies on the other side
If I can live through this torment

Scared of the Scar

It took much more than a moment
For the essence of it all to sink
To realise what I had just agreed to
My mind wasted, it took too long to think

There was jubilation all around
Friends throwing their heads back to laugh
And an uncomfortably silent corner
Of a man covered whole in his scarf

We both knew what we had done
We both realised that the show must go on
With no intention to ruin the moment
We stopped the honest truth that could dawn

The night went fine and we had our laughs
No one worried about tomorrow
The two of us stayed up all night
Hoping against hope for some joys to borrow

Forsaken

It’s been four months and yet it seems like yesterday
That you left me standing at the door
I have searched every corner, every moment
Hoping to see you just once more

How do I erase those long nights
Spent in your embrace looking at the sky
Fearing what tomorrow might take away
Knowing that you wouldn’t just go by

No, you weren’t like the dozen others
Who had nothing to offer but their lies
And yet I was right there, at the door again
How could you walk away despite my cries

I won’t complain of what you took with you
My voice, my ability to love, my soul
I see new hands outstretched to hold me
A beating heart that could make me whole

Yet every night I stand by the door
Waiting to hear your footsteps drawing near
Yet hoping you are warm in your bed, asleep
Totally unaware of what happened to someone you once held dear

Overload!

Too many thoughts clog the mind
Too much noise to peace here find

Too many pieces of broken hopes
Too much darkness, the soul gropes

Too many crossroads confuse the brain
Too many heartaches make the heart strain

Too many emotions unfurling at a time
Too many words to continue the mime

Too many things to say to be at ease
Too many lines anyways in this piece

Cry

There is so much left to say
But you don't have the time
So even if I call you up
You don't respond, you let the phone chime

Nothing stops from you from life
Curl up and sleep every night
Dream the glorious dreams of tomorrow
You don't have to see me fail the fight

I thought I wouldn't let you know
The pain, the suffering that you left behind
Why should I feed your ego
And anyways, you never seem to mind

But I want to see you rejoice, celebrate
Your pompous existence against my heart
Live your life, for you have taken mine
My voice, my soul... lost, till death sets does me part

At the Taj...

I stepped back on those very stairs
Trying to recall how it felt before
Was it very different then… holding your hand?
Did my small feet stumble or did I stand back and encore?

The pristine white and the silence and echoes
Every inch reminded me of your love
Did you also see how I danced in the rain?
Could you spot me from that far above?

I do remember running around the marble even then
Trying to pose for pictures you took
I was a princess then… and now, yes, I still feel the same
With so much affection in his each look

I remember that moment you held hands
Seated on the marble seats, you looked royal and how
I remember wanting to run to you then
I remember wanting to run to you now

Was it just the monsoon or were they her tears?
Was she really so happy to see me like that again?
Am I everything that you wanted me to be? Or less?
Did I remember you correctly? Did your memories of me also wane?

Listening to the night

Shadows lurk over the ledge
The light adds to the confusion of the mind
The overcast sky looms large on the moon
As if attempting a show of some kind

There is so much to learn from this moment
This that never was, this that shall never be
Yet it engulfs my very existence
It is also, strangely, everything I want it to be

No tears roll down tonight,
And I feel no pain
No, I am just lost in the course of life
No effort to sieve off anything insane

Funny how fickle life can be
A guiding spirit, a hope and a cause
Despite the animosity I did befriend it
With all its colours and it flaws

Did life befriend me, I wonder now
Would my other old friend just me go?
For neither shall exist while the other survives
Somewhere in my fickle mind, greed begins to grow…

After the plunge

When I finally opened my eyes
I no longer wanted to see
My visions haunted my mind
Even as the vivid colours burst in on me

Surrounded by the tall trees
In a small clearing I stood
The rays of sun tried to warm me
To recover from the coldness I withstood

The dense undergrowth came alive
With sounds so many and strange
Music and mayhem bound together
I shut my ears before my mind could derange

It all seemed so perfect before the plunge
Shutting out the old world, entering a new
Leaving behind the pain and laughter
Not taking any memories, not even a few

But what if I had been wrong in my calculations?
Nothing left behind, everything journeyed along with me
The perfect new beginning was marred by remorse
I remained with my past on my shoulder, facing what was to be...

THE END

Plunge...

It was time to take the plunge
I held my breath for some time
Questions and apprehensions throbbed my mind
The heart beat to a rhythm sublime

I fix my gaze on the surface below
Wondering if the depth will welcome
My heart tells me to have courage
To not get deterred by the outcome

The breeze eggs me on to the edge
The universe conspires with my soul
Images of the mind reduce to a white noise
Sending my sensing on a roll

I should not waste any more time
My destination is now within my reach
I turn around for a last look of everything I had
That I should not cling on to, must not leech

With one unsure breath, I let go
Feel my world rush past as I fall
As if it wants me to linger for just one more moment
Blinding my ears with its call

A cushion of water finally breaks my flow
New faces smile as I take the courage to open my eyes
My world now glistens beyond the palette of blue
My mind turns around to the new shapes and size

Quiet

I hear a certain hustle in my heart,

A rambling that is so faint and yet so familiar,

It makes me restless and peaceful all the same

It has been long since I felt so peculiar.

The horrid cries of despair begin to fade

A new emotion, a form of satisfaction begins to eke

I float somehwere between the mighty universe

and the life borne on a speck

A calm silence envelops my being,

The mind withholds the questions with reason

Logic, emotions, evolution and eradicaiton make sense now

At the beginning of a wonderful new season.

खुशी

एक खूबसूरत सा लम्हा था
हर तरफ हँसी गूँज रही थी
क्या बताएं की दिल को कितना चैन मिला
उस ख़याल मे भी हमने आँखें मूंद ली थी

ना कोई हाथ थाम रखा था
ना किसीके दामन कि फिकर थी
बस ठंडी हवाओं मे बहते जाना था
छोड़ कर हर परेशानी का ज़िक्र भी

ज़िंदगी की पेशगी थी वो हँसी
उसकी तारीफ मे हम रहते गए
ना अचानक कोई आहट हुई, ना कोई पुकार
हर लम्हे में हम उस लम्हे मे बहते गए

Time Out

There are times you want to talk
There are times when nothing matters
When you can pour out your heart
In hours of relentless chatters

I have lived those days with friends
I have shared enough to know
That all that talk does me no good
Sometimes, I need to just let go

To spend some time alone
The ceiling’s really not that bad
I need to speak to myself as well
Even if it makes me weak and sad

People change with time, its destiny
But I wouldn’t want to change a thing
I should not expect anyone to understand
Why to every sordid memory I must cling

So bear with me even if you don’t get it
Just me be for a while
It’s just a phase, it will soon be over
And I can return to your world with a smile

Suggestions

I live my life in stories
I search for the story in you
I put faces to your names
Every detail and all the colours too

I try to feel what you felt
I visualise the red, black or blue
I laugh at your silly pranks
In your pain, my heart sheds a tears few

Once you have told me a story
I hold you in respect anew
I contemplate your comprehension
Before I tell you my story in lieu

But I fail to understand your interruptions
Why do you questions the things I do?
Isn’t this the story that I choose to live?
My story, doesn’t… from yours, take cue

Why can’t I live each day as my own?
Why can’t I fall or celebrate every move new?
Why do I need to bear your opinions?
You wouldn't give up your story for mine, would you?

Hindi special

I thought it was important to put this on record that all my posts have been in hindi over the past few days simply because Buddy and I have been reading and discussing a lot of Gulzaar sahab's poetry. These are all pieces inspired by Gulzaar sahab. In fact, the poem Ehsaas, is my humble extension to his own work by the same name. All part of an experiment to explore more avenues and find new ways of making sense to myself. The next stop? Putting pen to paper, a brief effort to do the same resulted in disaster and one wasted notebook! Not that I am going to give up.

Yesterday

डूबते सूरज की लौ को देखते हुए
तुम्हारे काँधे पर सर टिकाए हुए
इस जहाँ को बहुत पीछे छोड़ आई थी
वो लौ आज भी कहीं रोशन है

Ehsaas

कभी महसूस किया है
अपने हाथों से किसी के हाथ का छूट जाना
साथ मे डूबता हुआ सा दिल
जिसका आँखों मे नमी बन कर उमड़ आना

धीरे धीरे से खिसकते वो हाथ
हर पल मे कितनी यादें लिए जाती हैं
वक़्त है की ठहरता ही नही
उधर जज़्बातों की बाड़ सी आती है

वो उंगलियों का टकराना एक आखरी बार
वो सिहरन, वो उदासी, वो गूँजता सन्नाटा
याद है तुम्हे भी क्या वो हाथों का छूट जाना
और डूबते हुए दिल का आँखों से उमड़ आना

Nothing ever ends..

I look at the man behind the wheel
Squinting from the burst of splinters
His fingers burning from the heat
Breaking into a sweat in peak winters

I watch as the aluminum utensil
Dissolve into a white flow
There’s the bowl for my favourite dessert
Dented by my mother’s angry throw

I duck instinctively, remembering the heat
And quickly return to the present
To the glow of the fire burning away
So many tangible memories, including the pleasant

Among the last to go is my crib
My first vehicle in the world
Though I have not any memories, I reach out
Around the rim, my fingers do curl

I am lost in my thoughts while the artist toils
Thinking only of the plum sum that will follow
All those lost emotions have now taken shape
Of a decorative greek God, ironically an Apollo

To life

The beautiful thing about life

Is that it goes on

No matter how deep the gashes

You keep moving till the last breath is drawn

Giving in

I sat huddled in a corner
Straining to wipe memories, tears and pain
The white light engulfs every part of me
Darkness prevails in vain

Just when I was convinced
There was nothing left for me to lose
A sudden jab in the heart
Brought back memories to intense use

Days long gone, nights well spent
In conversations of body and soul
A touch, a kiss, a moment
Blackened by fate’s black coal

I get up and switch of the light
Its radiance makes my pain sour
I reek of the black viscous blood now
The creatures of the night my soul devour

(Many thanks to Buddy for the imagery, much powerfully darker than mine)

Bidding farewell

जिन हाथों को थाम कर चल पड़े थेजिन बाज़ुओं पर बनाया था अपना आशियानजिन कदमो से कदम मिलाए चलते रहेआज किसी और को सौंप आए हैं
जिन निगाहों के सहारे देखी थी दुनियाजिन होठों के लिए सजाए थे हज़ारों नगमेउन ख्वाबो, ख़यालों को, उम्मीदों और हसरतों कोआज किसी और को सौंप आए हैं